Hockey Night in Uganda

Friday night is Hockey Night in Uganda. The only thing missing was Don Cherry and Ron MacLean.

The last time I was over for dinner at Dr. Jean’s house, her husband Thom recruited me to their Canadian hockey team for the big match against the Americans on Friday night. Never one to turn down a chance to play, of course I agreed.

I showed up at Jean and Thom’s house expecting a friendly game of makeshift road hockey, because, after all, we’re in the middle of Uganda.
I was very, very wrong.

Thom, (who you have to meet to appreciate his intensity about everything) had built a concrete hockey pad in their backyard, complete with nets, flood lights, and bleachers. As I walk up to the rink where the game is already underway, Liz (Jean’s oldest daughter) shouts at me to “grab a stick and get in here!” To my right there are at least 15 hockey sticks to choose from, varying in height and curve. I have no idea which to choose… I haven’t played hockey since I was a kid. I quickly think back to when I used to play with my childhood friends Brock and Geoff. Something comes to me…something about the stick being the height of your nose? Sounds good. I choose the appropriate nose-height stick and join Team Canada. There’s a pause in the play for introductions.

(Cut to Satellite Hotstove here)

I’m introduced to the Reverend from USA, and of course being terrible with names I can’t remember his first name so we will call him the Rev. The Rev is a middle age guy, maybe late 30’s early 40’s, with curly hair and a receding hairline. Another guy, younger than the Rev and whose name I also can’t remember, is the other grownup on Team USA. He’s tall, skinny, dark hair, probably in his early 30’s and teaches here at the university. The rest of the American team was made up of little kids. I never figured out which kid went with which adult, but between the two American families there were about six kids. The youngest little guy (Robbie) was about three and had a hockey stick with the handle cut down to about 12 inches above the blade. He mostly just walked around, dragging the stick behind him.

Team Canada was made up of Thom, Jean, their 3 kids, and now me. I’ve been signed as the new goalie. The last time I played goalie I was probably 8, in a net in Geoff MacPherson’s driveway where I took a roller-puck to the face. I retired shortly after that.
Until now, that is, where I find myself out of retirement and standing in the net looking legit with a baseball glove on one hand, goalie stick in the other. I’m thinking this won’t be too hard, just a friendly game of ball hockey with a bunch of kids and a few grownups.

Wrong again. Before I know it, I’ve got Americans charging at me, Jean shouting to her kids for the pass, and Thom sacrificing his body to block a shot. This is when I realize that Hockey Night in Uganda is serious business. I stand there with my baseball glove and stick, eyes widening as the play comes towards me. Liz, who’s about 7, shouts at me to show her my moves. The ball whizzes in front of me as the Rev centres it for one of the kids to take a shot. I react to this about a full second later (after the play is halfway down the other end) by wildly swing my stick around. Jean pulls me out of the net and puts Liz in instead. This was probably a good choice.

We play, or maybe the better word would be battle, for almost 2 hours. Thom controls the ball on our team, I mostly just run back and forth across the pad….very similar to little Robbie, except that I have a bigger stick. I did end up with an assist after Jon, who is 5, put it in the net. In the end, Team Canada came out ahead with a score of 7-6.

Travel tip #2: Practice hockey before coming to Uganda. I wouldn’t be surprised if Thom has scheduled a few extra practices for the newest member of Team Canada. Thankfully, I’ve got seven months until playoffs.